I'm a new mum. It took me four full months to come to this realization. To acknowledge. And I took me so long because that was the amount of time it took me to crash.
I spent four full whole months caring for my little girl on my own 24/7. She's triving. 7kg, 63cm.
My partner would take her for 10/15minutes and back to mammy. She's hungry. She's missing you. She's crying. She's doing-something-else-only-all-mighty-mammy-can-solve.
Result? Crash.
My daughter doesn't take dummies.
My daughter doesn't take bottles. Not even expressed milk. And I'm all wrapped in this situation, exhausted, depressed and crying all the time, trying to manage this new mummy thing along with the household chores and the relationship with Daddy and trying to see a glimpse of myself - not her mother, just myself the woman - in the middle of all.
I know with all my heart this is totally my fault. I was, and am, too permissive, too light. Too attached. But I'm trapped, no idea how to get out or turn the situation around.
As many other new mammy's, I'm sleep deprived. To the point I started with: I crashed last night, had to call a neighbor for help because I actually thought I was going to die. Had a panic attack. And all I could think about was my baby. Not sure how I made it to the front door to open it, but thank God for the Neighbor. She's a doctor, you see. And also the kindest more adorable person I've ever met.
The Neighbor is helping me go through this. The Daddy is as well, but he's still struggling a bit to fully understand. I'm a good Mammy that needs a lot of Time and Sleep to stop feeling a failure.
Anyone out there like me?
